


The Sounds of Silence

by MyJediLife



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is Deaf, Ben Solo is a Librarian, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, HEA, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Rey Needs A Hug, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn, SwoloFic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2019-10-30 14:33:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17830385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyJediLife/pseuds/MyJediLife
Summary: A car accident robbed former Marine turned Librarian Ben Solo of his hearing... and after meeting Rey Sands, the only thing he wants to do is hear her voice.





	1. Same Old Routine

[](https://imgur.com/qFhOi3a)

The girl came into the library every day at the same time – and it was Ben’s favorite part of the day. She would come in and head to the computers, her eyes drifting back to where he sat at his desk, a small smile on her face as she waved at him. Ben would smile and nod back, not quite sure how he was lucky enough to catch her attention for those few brief seconds a day.

But he wasn’t going to complain at all.

 

Ben glanced at the clock on his computer – she was due in any moment now. He couldn’t hear the door to the library open, but he did notice the slight change in light and flickering shadows in the room as the door was opened and closed. He brought his eyes up hopefully, the smile he reserved only for her coming to his lips as he saw her making her way past the counter – her typical wave to him answered with his typical nod.

 

Ben had been to many places in his thirty years of life. He had been to Korea, Japan and the Middle East with the military, and he had yet to see a woman as exquisite or as beautiful as this woman that graced him with her presence every day – minus Sundays. If he could find the funding to open the library on Sundays just so he could see her, he would.

 

Ben knew what she liked to read, of course. She would be on the computer for an hour, then she would wander through the stacks of historical fiction and travel books, making her selections after minutes of careful consideration. He tried not to stare as she brought the books to be checked out by one of the other librarians, but Ben could feel her eyes on him, as well.

 

Maybe one day he would actually try to have some sort of communication with her. Her view of him may change once she found out he was hearing impaired and had to read lips to talk to people, and that he much preferred using sign language and written communication instead of trying to speak.

 

He hadn’t always been deaf, but after a car accident four years ago – a night he still tried desperately to forget – he had woken up three weeks later, sore and unable to hear. He had been a month away from his Master’s degree in Library Science, and it had taken him an extra six months to finish his degree, all the while learning how to communicate again in a world that was now silent to him. And would always remain silent to him. 

 

….

 

Rey had never thought that she would develop a crush on a librarian. But she’d be damned if she would miss an opportunity to go the library every day to use the internet – even though she had internet at home. No, she definitely stopped in every day just so she could lay eyes upon one Ben Solo, Director of Library Services – at least that is what the plastic nameplate on the side of his office door read.

 

Surely, a man that attractive was married, right? Or at least had a girlfriend, and Rey shouldn’t be thinking about him nearly every moment of every day. Right? She was an idiot, and Finn and Rose were so right to tease her as mercilessly as they did about it.

 

Today she might remember to breathe when he looked at her and smiled. Maybe. So far, she hadn’t been able to.

 

She stepped into the library, and as she walked past the counter, her eyes went to him immediately, her hand coming up in her typical wave, the smile on her face that she reserved for only him. He gave her a smile back, his chocolate brown eyes shining at her in a way that made her insides melt into senseless goo, her breath hitching in her chest.

 

He looked like a Greek God in human form, and she itched to run her hands through that perfect mane of raven hair while she kissed those amazingly full lips. She had dreamt about what it would feel like – but Rey was nothing if not realistic.

 

He had to be married, because single men as insanely good looking as Ben Solo simply didn’t exist.

 

Rey made her way to the bank of computers, sitting down in her typical spot and trying not to cast sideways glances at Ben. She chose this particular computer for a good reason – it gave her the perfect view of him as he used the single finger method to tap away at his laptop keyboard. He had  _ huge _ hands, and – she noted with some glee as she finally remember to look – no wedding rings. Of course, that meant nothing. Men sometimes didn’t wear wedding rings, and just because he wasn’t married didn’t mean he wasn’t single.

 

A sign hanging from the circulation desk caught her attention, and her hands stopped typing for a moment, her breath once more hitching in her chest.  _ Help Wanted. See attendant for application if interested. _

 

Was she interested in working with Ben Solo every day? Yes, yes, she was, and Rey found herself getting up from the computer, practically floating to the desk. She already had a job at night bartending, and a full course load in college – but another job wouldn’t hurt – right? Especially if it meant she could look at Ben more.

 

Because, well, he was gorgeous. And she wanted to find an excuse to look at him more.

 

She was pathetic.

 

“Hi,” Rey said lightly, trying to focus on the elderly woman who was looking at her expectantly, her thick glasses making her eyes seem three times the size they really were. Rey found her eyes travelling to Ben, though, and she was startled to find him looking at her. Her face colored slightly, and she looked back at the librarian, finally managing to find the words she had lost when she realized Ben was looking at her. “I… I’d like to apply for the open position you have?”

With a sweet, almost  _ knowing _ smile, the woman reached below the desk, withdrawing a single sheet of paper before sliding it across the wooden desk to her. Leaning forward, she whispered softly, “He’s single, Miss Sands. I see the way you look at Mr. Solo. I looked at my Jerry the same way before we first met.” Reaching out with a wrinkled hand, the woman patted Rey’s hands softly. “Bring the application back when you are finished, and I will make sure it gets to Mr. Solo.”

 

_ Well, shit. Even an 80 year old woman can tell I like him. I’m so screwed. _

 

Rey’s eyes went to Ben again, who was still staring at her intently. Offering him an almost shy smile, Rey tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and took the application, muttering “Thanks, I will,” to the librarian before she went back to her original seat in front of the computer.

….

 

Ben watched as Rey came to the desk, his heart beating a little bit faster as he read her lips. Having her working alongside him every day was definitely a pleasing thought, and Ben hoped that Maz wasn’t giving her a hard time as she slid the application across the desk to Rey. Maz had a way of imparting her wisdom on people – and sometimes it was in an odd way that made them feel like she could read their minds. It also didn’t help that Maz fancied herself a matchmaker, and she had made many comments regarding Ben asking Rey out at some point.

Watching as Rey made her way back to the computer, Ben shook his head softly as Maz turned to look at him, a knowing look on her face. What had she said? By the blush on Rey’s face, it probably was nothing good. The old woman came to his door, signing softly to him.

 

_ If you don’t hire her, Solo, I am quitting. This is your chance. Besides, she likes you as much as you like her. Trust me, I know things. _

 

With a slight smile on his face, Ben just shook his head before signing back to her.  _ Knock it off, Maz. I can only hire her if she is qualified and can pass a background check. You know that. _

 

Maz leaned closer to Ben, now speaking normally to him. “She can read, and I am betting she knows how to alphabetize, as well. You’re hiring her so I can have an extra day off a week. Don’t let an old woman down, Solo.” Turning, Maz left his office, and Ben shook his head once more, chuckling softly.

….

 

It only took Rey fifteen minutes to fill out the application. It wasn’t terrible, and she felt that the fact she was going to college to become a Historian had some appeal to a librarian for an assistant position. She hoped so, because she wanted the chance to get to know the library director on a personal level.

 

_ You are a pathetic creature, Rey Sands. Absolutely pathetic. You should go back to the UK and forget about the tall, handsome American librarian who probably won’t give you two seconds of his time. Why the hell would he want you when no one else ever has? _

 

Moving back to the counter, Rey smiled at Maz, surprised that the woman moved as swiftly and nimbly as she did for someone so aged. Grabbing the application almost gleefully from Rey, Maz looked it over before peering up at Rey,“We know you can read, but can you put things in alphabetical order as well?” she asked, voice coloured amused. 

 

Rey raised a brow questioningly, answering Maz with a quiet, “Yes? I am a college senior. It’s a requirement to get as far in my studies as I have.”

 

Maz snorted in amusement, holding one finger up to Rey and winking. “One moment, dear. I do believe you can start tomorrow. Let me get Mr. Solo’s approval.” Leaning closer to Rey, Maz said, “I have my ways, my dear. I predict you will both be working rather… lengthy… hours together.” Maz gave her another wink before shuffling back to Ben’s office.

 

The device in Ben’s pocket vibrated, and his eyes came off the proposal he had been writing to meet Maz’s ancient eyes, a smile on the woman’s face as she waved a sheet of paper at him enthusiastically.

 

“I’ve just hired our new library assistant, Mr. Solo. I told her she can start tomorrow.”

 

With a sigh and a shake of his head, Ben ran his hand through his hair. Maz always got her way.

 

_ You are unstoppable, you know that? Fine. But if her background check comes back bad, I’ll have to just fire her. Understood?  _ Ben signed to her quickly.

 

Maz nodded, a smirk on her face as she said, “It won’t, and I’ll be attending your wedding in a few years. You’ll thank me later.”

….

 

What kind of clothes do you wear when you want to look professional, but also want to make your new boss fall madly in love with you? Somehow, Rey didn’t think jeans and a Lake Tahoe tee would work.

 

“Rose? Code Fuschia in my room… STAT!” Rey called out, her voice showing the burgeoning panic she felt setting in. As her best female friend flounced into the room, Rey looked at her, desperation apparent in the look she gave her.

 

“What the hell do I wear? Nothing is right… I want something that says ‘I am here to work’ but also screams ‘I want you to bend me over your desk’” Rey complained, her fingers plucking a skirt out of her closet before she examined it briefly, tossing it aside on the rapidly growing pile of discarded clothes on her bed.

 

“First of all,” Rose threw one finger in the air to halt Rey’s panicked ramblings. “What the hell is a code fuschia? Is that a British thing? Secondly, wear the green top that shows off your tits, and the simple black skirt with a pair of flats. It says, ‘Hi, I’m Rey, Library Assistant’, but it will also make his mouth water at the thought of motorboating you.”

 

Rey looked at Rose for a moment, confusion evident in her features. “What is motorboating, exactly?” Somehow, the term brought thoughts of her and Ben on a boat alone under a full moon to mind. It wasn’t unpleasant, of course – but why would a shirt make him think of such things?

 

Rose let out a giggle and said, “Google it. Trust me – that’s the outfit you want to wear, Rey.”

 

With a sigh and a resigned shake of her head, Rey watched as Rose left her alone with her thoughts once more, and she went to the closet, pulling out the outfit Rose had suggested. As she looked herself over in the mirror after dressing, she had to admit – she looked pretty good. The color of her shirt pulled out the green in her eyes, and as she pulled her hair back into a simple bun, letting a few tendrils fall on her face, Rey thought she might be able to catch Ben’s attention.

Maybe.

….

 

As Rey stood outside the library at ten minutes until eight, sipping on her Hazelnut Mocha Latte, she wondered if she was insane for attempting to work two jobs as well as her course load in college. Was it worth it just to try and get the attention of a gorgeous, aloof man?

 

As she watched Ben Solo walk down the street towards her, Rey decided that it was definitely worth it.

 

Ben saw Rey waiting outside the library, and his heart almost stopped in his chest before remembering to beat once more – but this time beat in triple time the closer he got to her. She looked amazing, the shirt she was wearing made her eyes spark with green, and as she gave him a hesitant smile he found himself thankful that Maz had decided to show up late this morning – something he was certain she was doing on purpose. The interfering little busybody would never admit to it. 

 

As he reached the front of the library, Ben gave her a wave and gestured towards the door before pulling out his set of keys and unlocking the heavy wooden and glass door before pulling it open. Ben stepped to one side, gesturing for Rey to go inside before him, and as she did, she smiled at him once more, causing his heart to stutter for another moment.

 

Once inside, Ben let out a sigh as he realized he was alone with Rey, and she probably had no idea that he was deaf. Opening his mouth, Ben realized he hadn’t actually  _ spoken _ to anyone in roughly three months – since the last time he had to give a proposal verbally to the Board of Directors. It always made him feel self conscious when he had to speak out loud, because even though his parents assured him that he still sounded the same, he couldn’t hear himself. He would rather sign or text – it was just simpler. 

 

Running a hand through his hair, Ben adjusted his glasses before looking at Rey and heading up the small flight of stairs to the main library room. As she followed, Ben gestured behind the large checkout counter before he finally spoke, so quiet Rey could barely hear him. 

 

“You can put your things behind the counter. Maz should be here any minute. She’ll be the one to train you. I’m Ben, the Library Director. Welcome to the team, Rey.” Ben offered her his hand, and as she slid her much smaller hand into his, Ben was pleasantly surprised as some strange, unrecognized energy flowed between them. He looked into Rey’s eyes, which widened a bit in surprise as well. Ben released Rey’s hand, smiling at her.

 

“Have a good first day, Rey,” Ben said as he felt the air pressure change subtly as the door opened to admit Maz. Ben turned, winking at the older woman as she approached before heading into his office.


	2. Just What I Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out, Rey is just what Ben needs.

[](https://imgur.com/Lneh4lB)

The music thudded, lights flashing in an almost nauseous pattern as Ben moved through the throngs of people in the crowded club. Before his accident, this never would have been his scene, but now that he couldn’t hear music anymore – well, he could  _ feel _ it by coming here. With the music and the sound, he didn’t have to worry about talking to anyone, which was pleasant after days spent worrying about how he could communicate effectively with the world around him.

 

Reaching the bar, Ben waited for one of the bartenders to come over. Refusing to shout his drink order, he simply typed a message onto his phone to show the twenty something.  _ Double rum and coke. _ The man nodded his understanding before returning with his drink a few moments later.  _ Thank you _ , Ben mouthed to the man before he turned and leaned back against the bar, his eyes surveying the crowd as he enjoyed his drink. The music pounded in his chest, and if Ben closed his eyes, he could imagine how it sounded.

….

 

The club scene was not one Rey was used to, and as she weaved her way through the throngs of undulating, drunken bodies, she wanted to turn around and go back home. Finn and Rose assured her that she needed to have some fun, so she had reluctantly agreed to go with them.

She had been up since seven that morning, and had spent her work day shelving books, all the while secretly admiring her new boss as he sat in his office. Maz had told her that he was quiet, and that all he expected from his employees was showing up to work on time and doing their jobs. She had caught him looking at her several times during the day, and as he caught her eyes a small smile had come to his lips.

 

He was glorious, and Rey wanted to get to know him even more now.

 

Making her way to the bar, Rey waved at the bartender to get his attention, ordering her favorite drink and trying to ignore the drunken college student who was leering at her and trying to catch her eye. As she waited for her drink, Rey swept her eyes across the club, wondering where Finn and Rose were amongst the throngs of people. Her eyes widened as she recognized a broad set of shoulders and a shock of soft, wavy raven hair. She had spent so much time looking at Ben Solo from afar that she could pick him out in a crowd easily.

 

The bartender came back with her drink, and Rey slid a ten across the bar to him before making her way down the bar, coming to a stop behind Ben. Taking a deep breath and plastering what she hoped would pass for a genuine smile on her lips, Rey reached out, tapping her boss on the shoulder with one finger.

 

….

 

If there was one thing Ben hated, it was having someone suddenly touch him without him being aware of their presence. Not only did it set off his PTSD from his military days, but being deaf meant he couldn’t hear people’s footsteps anymore. It was a shock to his system, and as he jumped, heart racing,  he stumbled slightly, his large frame hitting a much smaller – a much  _ softer _ – person as he reached out to grab the bar to steady himself.

 

Brown eyes met Rey’s hazel orbs, Ben’s mouth opening in shock as he realized who he had stumbled into. Rey had been on his mind almost constantly, and the last place he ever imagined seeing her was at a club frequented by mostly obnoxious, drunk college students.

 

Throwing up a hand in greeting and trying to ignore her now throbbing foot from where Ben had stepped on it, Rey did her best to keep the smile in place as she leaned towards Ben, yelling over the music so he could hear her. “Hi! I honestly didn’t expect to see you at a place like this!”

 

Ben stared at Rey intently, wondering if Maz had said anything to Rey about his impairment. As Rey leaned in to talk to him, Ben could tell from her actions that the older woman had kept this information from their new employee. Without thinking about it, his heart still racing and the blood pounding in his head, Ben threw up his hands, signing furiously at Rey.

 

_ What the hell are you doing, sneaking up on me like that? Jesus! _

 

Rey just stared at Ben as his hands flew up, fingers and hands moving so quickly that she had no idea what he was doing at first, her eyes widening as she realized he was using sign language – and that he wasn’t happy with her currently.

 

Oh. 

 

Suddenly, everything fell into place, and Rey’s face colored with embarrassment as she realized that her seriously hot, seemingly sweet new boss that she had been crushing on for weeks was deaf.

 

_ Thanks for telling me that, Maz…  _ Rey thought to herself, wondering why the old woman hadn’t divulged something so important to her.

 

…

 

_ Fuck! _ Ben thought to himself as he brought his hands back to his sides. He was so used to signing to everyone he knew, it had become habit to him. It was obvious from Rey’s expression that Maz hadn’t told her, and as the reality of it dawned on her face, Ben wanted to be anywhere else but there.

 

Pushing himself off the bar, Ben turned, his face flush with embarrassment as he started to weave his way towards the exit of the club. He could feel his anxiety mounting with every step he took, his breath hitching in his throat as he finally found his way out an exit – an alley to the side of the club providing him the space he needed to breathe.

 

Reaching out, Ben hit the side of the brick building hard, barely feeling the skin tearing and scraping off the side of his hand. Over and over he pounded the building, letting all the frustration and rage of his current situation out – the bricks unyielding and non-judgmental under his hands.

 

The bricks would never judge him for being deaf, for being unable to communicate normally with the one person he desperately wanted to get to know. What was Rey thinking now? Ben could only imagine she was horrified to find that the man she had been silently flirting with for months now was a freak. He knew he was a freak, he felt it in the core of his very being. He was alone for a reason – he would always be alone. That would be his cross to bear. With one last thrust of his fist into the bricks, Ben sank to the garbage riddled concrete of the alley, his large hands cradling his head as he let a sob wrack his body. 

He had never felt so alone in his life.

….

 

Rey watched as Ben turned, his tall frame unmistakable as he weaved his way through the crowd inside the club. Biting her bottom lip as she thought, Rey downed the contents of her glass for courage before following the same path as Ben through the crowd, her hazel eyes finally making out the exit sign she felt sure Ben had seen as well.

 

Did she see him any differently know that she knew – no –  _ suspected _ he was deaf? No. Rey still saw him as the tall, gorgeous man that she had made excuse after excuse to see almost every day of the week for months. She didn’t care if he could hear her or not – in fact, Finn and Rose told her to shut up so often, it was probably a blessing Ben wouldn’t be able to hear her voice.

He was amazing, and Rey wanted to get to know him.

 

It was simple, and it was beautiful.

 

Rey found Ben crumbled on the cold, dirty concrete in the alley, sobbing like his heart had been broken. “Shhh, sweetheart, shhh,” Rey said as she approached, not caring that he couldn’t hear her. Something told her that he needed her right now – that he needed her touch to help him over whatever mental hurdle he was attempting to jump over.

 

Kneeling beside him, Rey reached out, her hand resting on his arm as she watched him, his beautiful face streaked with rivers of tears. She knew what it felt like every time she locked gazes with those warm, expressive brown eyes of his – she felt like he was looking into her soul.

 

“Ben,” Rey said, his name flowing off her lips sweetly. She tested out the sound of it again, her hand rubbing his arm softly as he continued to sob, his sinfully beautiful hair covering his anguish. “Ben Solo… I don’t care. I don’t care that you can’t hear me. I just want to spend time with you.”

 

Rey continued to rub his arm with one hand, her other hand moving up to trace the scar on his face, her fingers ghosting over the pink, jagged skin. It was wet from his tears, and Rey was positive that instead of distracting from his classic good looks, it only added to them. She longed desperately to ply his skin with kisses, to kiss away whatever agony it was he felt inside. He was incredible, and Rey planned on telling him so, as soon as he was well enough to hear it.

….

 

Suddenly, Ben could breathe again, the tears slowing as he opened his eyes, swiping his torn hands across them to clear his vision. The briefest flash of white caught his vision, and his eyes swept up to find Rey kneeling beside him, one of her hands caressing his scar, the other his arm. His breath hitching in his throat, Ben sniffled once more, his hands coming up to sign ‘ _ Thank you’ _ , his lips also mouthing the words at the same time.

 

Instead of disgust and revulsion in her gaze, Ben saw something much more welcoming. Something that made his heart stutter in his chest. He saw longing and, somehow, warmth and understanding.

 

….

 

For the first time, Rey noticed the injuries to his hands. Her eyes widened slightly as she grabbed them both, surveying the damage critically before looking at Ben, her lips meeting each palm softly as if her lips could be a healing salve for his wounds. Looking into his eyes, Rey said, “Come on, let’s go get some coffee and talk. My treat.”

 

Rey stood, offering one of her hands to Ben. There were so many pages in the book of Ben Solo, and Rey wanted to read each and every word, turning each page with wonder at everything she saw within. His hand was huge as he reached up, his long fingers tangling with hers briefly as he pulled himself off the ground, swiping at his face with his free hand to clear away the last of his tears.

 

….

 

Ben swallowed hard as Rey’s lips met his palms, his heart stuttering in his chest before remembering to beat again a moment later. He wasn’t used to having anyone touch him – but Rey’s touch was soothing to his soul. As she looked at him, Ben nodded at her before standing, her small hand warm against his. After wiping away the last of his tears, Ben looked over at Rey, expecting her to pull her hand away from his. Instead, she smiled up at him, lacing her fingers through his and tugging gently at his arm as she pulled him down the alley and onto the sidewalk.

 

Ben kept his eyes on Rey so he didn’t miss anything she might say, but instead of talking, she just looked at him every few seconds, her hazel eyes burning with warmth and admiration. Finally, she looked at him, her words a mad rush as they left her lips.

 

“I know, I mean, I am guessing you are really good at reading lips, right? You’ll let me know if I am talking too fast? I’m sorry, this is new to me, Ben. I want to make sure we can communicate well.”A slight tilt upwards of the corners of Ben’s mouth led Rey to believe that she wasn’t speaking to fast, and she squeezed his hand gently as the warm glow of the coffee shop sign came into view.

 

Ben gestured to her with his free hand, his words again almost too soft to be heard over the hum of the traffic as he spoke, “Your phone?” Rey graced him with one of her glorious smiles, reaching into one of her pockets and withdrawing the device, handing it to him and just watching as he input his number into her contacts, his eyes meeting hers as he handed it back to her with a smile.

 

Stopping outside the glass door of the coffee shop, Ben kept his hand twined with hers as he opened the door, only letting go to sweep his hand out in a grand gesture of chivalry, indicating that Rey should step inside ahead of him. He could only guess a giggle left her perfect lips as a blush came to her cheeks before she stepped inside, looking back to watch as he followed her.

 

At this particular moment, Ben thought to himself, he may just follow her anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the most amazing Beta for this fic - please check out her fics! Thanks, [TeaFiend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaFiend) !
> 
> Also, thanks go to my moodboard maker extraordinaire (and Beta on some of my other fics!) - [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! <3


	3. Getting To Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben & Rey have coffee. Fluff ensues.

[](https://imgur.com/Wn1GVYf)

As they entered the coffee shop, Ben looked around nervously at the throng of people inside. He wasn’t good around people – had never been good around people. Now, without his sense of hearing to make him aware that someone was about to bump into him, or was approaching him – crowds made him a nervous wreck.

But he could do this, because Rey was here with him, her hazel eyes watching him with concern still as she looked around for someplace they could sit. As she looked back at him, Ben realized she had said something while turned away from him – so he gestured to his ears wildly and shrugged his shoulders – hoping she would understand what he was trying to say.

_ Oh, shit, _ Rey thought to herself as she looked back at Ben, who gestured to his ears and shrugged his shoulders.  _ I am gonna have to remember not to look away from him when I am talking. _ Letting a sheepish grin come to her lips, Rey made sure she was looking at him as she said, “There’s a table all the way at the back – want to grab it while I order?”

Ben nodded, pulling his phone out of his pocket and gesturing to Rey’s pocket to indicate that she should look at her phone. It only took him a moment to send her a text, his long fingers flying over his phone screen.

_ <Ben Solo> I drink my coffee black.Thank you! _

Rey pulled her phone out and looked at it as it chimed, and she smiled at Ben’s message. Of course he would drink his coffee black. She; however, was more of a hazelnut latte with an extra squirt of hazelnut and whipped cream kind of girl. She watched him as he headed to the table, noticing how he kept his head up, his eyes constantly looking around the room to make sure no one was approaching him. He looked nervous, and Rey could only imagine how awkward it must be to try and navigate in a world where everyone else could hear.

Her heart clenched in her chest for a moment as she watched Ben settle himself into one of the chairs, and as she went to the counter to order, she kept her eyes on him. While he seemed fragile right now, she knew that when they had been walking to the coffee house, his hand had been so strong and firm in hers. He had an inner strength to him that Rey was certain she would admire as she got to know him better. Ben’s eyes came up to meet hers as she stood in line, and he let a smile ghost onto his lips as he raised a hand to half wave at her.

He was so adorable, and Rey smiled back at him, also giving him a half wave in return. Her heart sped up just from the simple gesture, and as Rey ordered their coffees she couldn’t keep her eyes away from him. Ben was looking down at his phone, seeming to be more comfortable now that he was perched away from the crowd with his back to a wall.

The air shifted subtly around him, and Ben looked up to find Rey approaching their table, and as she slid his cup of coffee to him, Ben looked up at her, mouthing the words ‘Thank You’ while signing it at the same time out of pure habit. Rey smiled at him before settling herself into the chair across from him.

“You’re welcome,” Rey said, looking at him before taking a sip of her drink. She saw Ben’s nose wrinkle, his hands dancing over his phone for a moment before her phone chirped with a text.

_ <Ben Solo> Really? Hazelnut? You do realize those things are nothing but sugar, right? _

Looking up at him with wide eyes, Rey said, “How dare you insult my Grande Hazelnut Latte with an extra pump of Hazelnut and whipped cream! Queens in Ancient Egypt were given this to drink – if it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me!” Rey grinned at Ben.

Shaking his head with a smile, Ben typed out a message to her.

_ <Ben Solo> Your resume said you are a History student? Perhaps you should go back and read about Ancient Egypt. We do have a wonderful section on that at the library, you know! _

“Very funny!” Rey said, letting out a laugh.  _ So, he’s good looking, sweet, kind… and he has a sense of humor. Why is this man not married? _ Rey tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and took a drink of her latte, trying to ignore Ben shaking his head slightly at her, one corner of his mouth pulled up in a half smirk as he did so.

“So, um… I am so sorry I scared you. Back at the club. Maz… she never said anything about, you know…” Rey waved her hand in front of her, her face coloring almost immediately. She didn’t want to insult him, or say something that might offend him. Ben typed out a text almost immediately, and Rey’s eyes went to her phone, which was now sitting in front of her for quick access.

_ <Ben Solo> Maz didn’t tell you that I am deaf. You can say that, Rey. It doesn’t bother me anymore. _

“Right. Sorry. I didn’t want to offend you. So… you haven’t always been deaf?” Rey’s eyes met Ben’s as he took a sip of his coffee, and she smirked at him. “You could strip paint off the walls with your choice of coffee, you know. I think my foster father did that a couple times back home.”

 

_ <Ben Solo> No. About 4 years now. Car accident, gave me a scar and left me deaf. You were a foster kid? _

 

Ben couldn’t imagine what it was like to be in the foster care system. He had heard horror stories about the things that happened in foster homes, from drug abuse, to sexual abuse… he didn’t want to think about anyone harming Rey is such a manner. His fists clenched and unclenched before he even realized it, anger flooding through him for a brief moment.

 

Rey took a drink of her coffee as she read his message, looking up at him before speaking. She tried to keep the sadness out of her eyes. It was hard to think about her life before she came to the U.S. – being shuffled around from home to home her entire childhood had left her with serious abandonment and self-esteem issues. Therapy was helping, but she still struggled with it. “Yeah. Since I was a baby. I never knew my parents, they… just left me on the steps of a police station.” Rey shrugged, trying to play it off as being no big deal, even if inside she was panicking.

 

_ What if he doesn’t want me now? My parents didn’t, none of my foster parents did… why should Ben? I’m nobody, and I come from nowhere. _

 

Rey bit her bottom lip as she watched Ben type out a response on his phone.

 

_ <Ben Solo> That must have been rough. But, you have your stuff together now, you know? We all have obstacles to climb over in our lives – it’s how we come out on the other side that matters. _

 

Rey took another sip of her drink, looking over at Ben to find his eyes on her. He took a long swallow of his coffee before turning up one corner of his lips in a half smirk that made her heart flutter in her chest. Why did he have to be so incredibly good-looking?

 

A flush colored her face, and Rey said, “So, do you go to the club often? It doesn’t seem like your kind of scene, to be honest. I mean, you’re much more suited to being in the library than being in a club full of horny, drunk college kids.” Rey smirked at him now.

 

_ <Ben Solo> I like the music. It’s the only time I can enjoy it – I can feel it, if that makes sense. Makes me feel… normal, I guess? _

 

_ <Ben Solo> Also, it doesn’t seem like your kind of scene either. _

 

Rey tilted her head to one side thoughtfully as she read Ben’s response. It made perfect sense to her, the music in the club had been loud enough that her ears were still ringing. It must have made Ben’s chest thump when the bass in each song hit. Looking up at him, Rey smiled, biting her bottom lip as she decided what to say next. She was hardly ever awkward with people, but Ben was different. The way her heart was fluttering in her chest – she didn’t want to mess this –  _ whatever this was _ – up.

 

“It’s not my scene, not at all,” Rey said finally. “Finn and Rose – my flatmates – they convinced me that going to the club was the perfect way to spend a rare night off. I bartend over at Plutt’s Bar.” Rey shrugged. “So, I let them drag me out. It was worth it though, because I get to take you out for coffee!”

 

Ben smiled at Rey, a blush now creeping across his face.

 

_ <Ben Solo> I’m glad you let them drag you out. I’m also glad you don’t spend your nights clubbing with a bunch of drunk, horny frat boys. You’re better than that. Rey… about earlier, in the alley. Thank you. _

 

Rey let a smile drift onto her face, and as she looked into Ben’s eyes, her heart racing, she just  _ knew. _ She didn’t want some stupid frat boy, or some enigmatic prick with a doctorate in history. No, all she wanted was a shy, adorable librarian. Ben was perfect. Reaching out, Rey asked, “May I?” before pointing to his free hand. Ben looked down for a moment, then back up to her before nodding at her.

 

Her small hand felt so good in his – because his hands were  _ huge _ for someone so gentle. Rey twined her fingers through his, chuckling just a little. “Now you have to decide between talking to me or drinking your coffee, because this hand is staying right here, deal? Besides, I don’t truly think what you are drinking can be called coffee without sugar and creamer. You’re welcome. You know, if you need to talk about it, you can. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

His answer took longer to receive, as he was only using one hand to type now.

 

_ <Ben Solo> Talking to you will always win. No question. And, I’ll have you know, drinking coffee black has a lot of health benefits. Google it. And, maybe sometime soon, I’ll talk about it, ok? Let’s just get to know each other… maybe see where this goes? I mean, we can’t disappoint Maz, can we? _

 

Rey looked up from her phone to see Ben smirking at her, and he squeezed her hand gently before taking another sip of his coffee.

 

“Agreed. Who are we to disappoint a hundred-year-old librarian?” Rey grinned at Ben, taking another sip of her drink. “Hey, are you hungry? Because I am starved, and there is this great pizza place just up the street. They even have vegetarian pizza, if that’s what you’re into – although I might question your humanity then. Then, I don’t know… maybe we can just, go someplace quiet and talk?”

 

Rey didn’t have to wait for a response, because Ben stood, nodding at her as he gathered up his phone, slipping it into his pocket before draining the rest of his coffee from his cup. She noticed with a happy jolt of her heart, that he never let go of her hand.

 

….

 

Three hours later found Rey sitting on a park bench next to Ben, laughing so hard she could barely take a breath. She had learned a lot about him in those three hours. He had been a Marine, and had served a tour in Afghanistan before being medically discharged after breaking his ankle. He liked reading - which was obvious, given that he was a librarian – he was a hardcore Ravenclaw, and he had a killer sense of humor. Rey couldn’t remember ever laughing so much.

 

They had long since finished off the small pizza they had ordered, and Rey looked over at Ben, who was watching her with a tiny half smirk on his face. “What?” Rey asked self-consciously, wondering if she had something stuck in her teeth, or if she had spilled something on her dress without realizing it. She had a passionate, sometimes messy, long-term relationship with food, after all. After going without in many of her foster homes as a kid, Rey ate with a voraciousness that never failed to amaze her friends.

 

_ <Ben Solo>You’re beautiful, I wish I could hear you laugh. _

 

“Ben,” Rey said softly, color flooding her cheeks as she bit her bottom lip, fighting off tears. She knew it was probably hard for him, trying to cut out a new path after waking up from a horrific accident to learn he could no longer hear. In her eyes, that made him stronger – he was definitely a fighter like her. He looked at her, the same small smirk that she had grown to really,  _ really _ adore by now, before he typed out a message to her.

 

_ <Ben Solo> Gosh, I feel like I’m in middle school again… making all the girls cry. It’s true though. You are beautiful. Off topic, what is your favorite kind of muffin? _

 

The clock in the city square chimed one, and Rey didn’t have to hesitate before answering, “Blueberry. Yours?” A yawn slipped from her lips, and Rey covered her mouth briefly. “It’s past my bedtime. I got stuck opening the library tomorrow. Maz said she had something to do, so she asked me if I would.”

 

Ben laughed, and Rey gaped at him as he did so. This was the first time she had heard him laugh out loud, and it was the most genuine, whole-hearted laugh she had ever heard.

 

_ <Ben Solo> Shocking, since she knows I open the library on Saturdays. And I prefer blueberry muffins as well. Let’s get you home, Cinderella, before you turn into a pumpkin. Although, you’d be a beautiful pumpkin. _

 

Standing, Ben reached out with a hand, helping Rey to stand as well. Rey could sense something off with him, and as they stepped onto the sidewalk she watched as Ben chewed on his bottom lip for a movement, his jaw working nervously. Finally, he stopped walking and turned to face her.

 

“Rey,” Ben’s voice was soft and hard to hear with the sounds of the city happening around them, but it was a rich baritone, music to her ears as he continued on, “I was hoping that maybe I could take you out sometime? On a date?” The hand holding hers felt clammy, and Ben rubbed a thumb over her wrist as he spoke. His eyes looked into hers hopefully as he finished speaking.

 

Rey smiled at him, not hesitating before answering, “I’d love to!”

 

Ben smiled at her, a genuine smile that made her heart start thudding even harder in her chest. Turning, he guided them back down the street to where his car was parked outside the club. Pulling his phone out of his pocket again, he asked Rey:

 

_ <Ben Solo> Do you want a ride home? _

 

“I’d love one,” Rey replied, and as Ben unlocked and opened the passenger side door, she slid inside, not able to keep the happy smile off her lips as her heart thudded away in her chest.

 

Five minutes later found them in front of the small brownstone she shared with Rose and Finn, and Rey looked at Ben nervously as he killed the engine to his car. Tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, Rey licked her lips before saying, “I had a really good time tonight, Ben. See you in the morning?” Before she could overthink it, Rey leaned over, her lips meeting his softly in a brief, chaste kiss before she opened the door and exited the car.

 

Ben simply watched her until she was in her house before reaching up, his fingers gently touching his lips where Rey had kissed him. Taking his phone out, he sent her another text.

 

_ <Ben Solo> Goodnight, sunshine. Sleep well. See you in the morning. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always... thank you to my wonderful Beta & moodboard artist, [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite) & to my consultant for this fic, [TeaFiend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaFiend)... I couldn't do it without you ladies! <3
> 
> Let me know what you think by leaving comments and kudos, & subscribe if you want to get updates! :)


	4. Love You, Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey spend some time together.
> 
> Fluff and drama ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, love and thanks to my Goddess Beta and moodboard maker - [Azuwite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)! She is amazing and I couldn't do it without her!

[](https://imgur.com/nTtS4s8)

The next morning at 07:50, Rey was waiting on the steps of the library when Ben walked up, holding a bag and two cups that looked suspiciously like coffee. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw him, and as she stood, brushing off her skirt, she gave him a little half-wave.

Ben waved back, handing the bag and one of the coffee cups to Rey so he could unlock the doors. As soon as they were inside, he motioned Rey into his office, smiling at her as he grabbed a pen and wrote on the legal pad he always kept nearby.

_ I got you one of those disgusting sugar concoctions – with a little bit of coffee in it – and blueberry muffins. You look beautiful this morning, sunshine. Did you sleep well? _

Rey read his words, a blush creeping across her face, and she looked around to make sure there were no library patrons yet before leaning over his desk, her lips meeting his in a soft, sweet kiss. “Thank you, Ben. Did you get yourself a cup of the paint thinner you call coffee as well?”

Ben nodded, a grin on his face.  _ Gotta have my breakfast. Hey, what are you doing after we close up at noon? _ He wrote on the notepad, looking up at Rey.

Rey tucked some hair behind her ear as she read his words, smiling before looking at him. “I wasn’t doing anything until tonight. I have to cover a shift at the bar. Why?”

Ben scratched out his response.  _ I thought maybe we could have lunch together at my place. _

Rey felt her heart start tripping in her chest at the thought of spending the afternoon with Ben. Sure, she would be tired when she had to work at the bar – but she wanted to spend time with him. She could handle being tired when she poured drinks for a bunch of drunks.

“I’d love to,” Rey replied as the door to the library opened, admitting a mother with four children in tow. Turning, Rey went to work, trying to concentrate and  _ not _ watch Ben through the glass of his office window.

It was hard, but somehow, Rey made it through without making herself look like the lovesick fool she truly was inside. As they closed and locked the library, Rey looked at Ben and smiled. “Are we walking to your place?”

Ben nodded, reaching down and lacing her fingers through his, pointing down the street with his other hand to indicate which direction they had to go. Rey nodded in understanding, squeezing his hand softly.

Everything felt right with Ben. Simple. Like, maybe it was meant to be.

They walked together for several blocks, before Ben turned down a quiet side street, stopping outside a neat looking brownstone. Letting go of her hand with an apologetic look, Ben dug through his bag, pulling out his keys after a moment and fitting the key in the lock of the front door. As he twisted the handle to open the door, he realized he was nervous.

He hadn’t brought a woman to his house before.

He wasn’t afraid that she would be appalled at how he lived – his years in the military had made him into a very,  _ very _ organized person. He was simply nervous because he was a rather simple, boring man, and Rey was vibrant and so full of life. What if she decided she didn’t want to see him again?

Looking over at Rey, Ben gestured to her, indicating that she should step inside before him.

Stepping inside Ben’s house, the first thing Rey noticed was how  _ clean _ it was. Knowing Ben, though, that didn’t surprise her. What did surprise her; however, was the massive amount of books and movies he had. The shelving units in his office and living room were full of them, and it made the rooms feel warm and homey. Rey felt like she could be comfortable here, with Ben, among the books and things that he loved.

 

Ben stood quietly, just watching Rey as she looked around his house. When she turned to look at him, he gestured to her that she should explore, and so she did. He found that he liked seeing her here, in his space. It didn’t feel awkward – it felt right.

Rey walked through Ben’s house, peeking into every room. He was probably the neatest person she had ever met; every room in perfect order, no stray bits of papers or clothes strewn about like in her apartment.

She made her way back to the kitchen, following the sounds of the fridge being opened. Rey started to make her way to Ben, reaching out to touch him before realizing that was a bad idea – as he wouldn’t know she was there. Instead, she took a wider path, one that would have him seeing her as she approached him.

Ben looked up to find Rey making her way towards him, and he gave her a soft smile as he pulled what he would need to make them lunch out of his fridge.

Then Rey was hugging him, and he lost all rational thought processes at the feeling of her in his arms. She was just perfect; the way she fit in his arms, like a puzzle piece that fit perfectly with his. His arms went around her tightly, and Ben couldn’t remember ever feeling quite as happy as he did with Rey in his arms.

“You’re perfect, so perfect, and I think I am so very much in love with you, and I know you can’t hear me saying this, but I don’t have the guts to say it to you yet. God, why do you smell so good?” Rey said against his chest as he held her.

Ben made her feel safe, protected and… cared for. She wouldn’t say she felt  _ loved _ yet, because once they went down that road – well, it was a huge thing. Rey knew she had never felt like this with anyone else. It was hard for her to let people close to her after everything she had been through in her life – but Ben made everything so easy.

Rey took in a deep breath and looked up at Ben, finding him looking back at her, his arms around her still, and as he lowered his lips to hers, Rey found that she didn’t care about anything else at the time being but him. He deepened their kiss, her hands fisting in his hair and her tongue seeking entrance into his mouth. He complied, their tongues tangling together as Rey pressed herself closer to Ben, his teeth scraping against her bottom lip briefly before he pulled away, his eyes looking into hers deeply.

Running a hand through his hair, Ben pulled his phone out of his pocket, texting her simply because his thoughts were a jumbled mess in his brain.

_ <Ben> Rey… that was amazing. Are… are you sure about all this? I mean, we’re not even dating or anything. _

Rey pulled out her phone, reading the text before looking up at Ben, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m sure, Ben. I-I don’t think I have ever been so sure about wanting to kiss someone before, in fact.”

A beautiful blush rose onto Ben’s face at her words, and he reached out with one hand, grabbing Rey’s hand and pulling her back against him. He mouthed the word “Good” to her, his lips meeting hers again, this kiss filled with more affection and longing than any she had ever experienced before. Kissing Ben like this was like draping herself in the warmest, softest fabric she had ever felt.

She didn’t remember them moving across the room and into the living room, but as her back hit the fabric of Ben’s sofa, Rey wasn’t about to complain. Ben Solo knew how to kiss a woman, every swipe of his tongue against hers left her wanting more.

And then he was gone, his warm body removed from hers as he stood, putting up one finger to indicate Rey should give him a moment to catch his breath before he explained himself. After a short time, Ben pulled out his phone, typing out a message to Rey with dizzying speed.

At first, she couldn’t find her phone, until she heard it buzzing against the floor under the couch. She retrieved it, glancing down at the screen to see Ben’s message. She was feeling a bit disappointed that he had pulled away – she was left lonely and wanting more.

_ <Ben> Rey… How to explain myself? I… wow. I love kissing you. I love touching you. I love everything about you. But I don’t want to just jump into this, because I want this to build until it’s rock solid. If I took you to bed now, while I would enjoy it immensely, I know it would be too soon. I want you, sunshine, I do… but we need to date. We need to spend hours talking and dating and just getting to know each other. Does that make sense? I hope it does. _

Rey swallowed hard, knowing that Ben was right. Even though they wanted each other, if they had sex now, before they truly knew each other, it would change things between them. Whether it was for better or for worse, she would never know – but he was right.

Looking up at Ben, who had an almost desperate look in his eyes, Rey smiled at him and nodded. “It makes sense, Ben. We should get to know each other, date... fall in love… before we add sex into the dynamic. So, what exactly are our boundaries? Because, well… I like kissing you. I also like touching you.” Rey felt a soft blush come across her face.

Ben smiled before typing out another message.

_ <Ben> Kissing is acceptable, as long as we know when to stop. Holding hands is a definite must. Cuddling too… because I am a cuddler. Now you know! _

Rey let out a giggle as she read his reply. To her, the thought of cuddling with Ben Solo was enough to set her heart racing and make her breath hitch in her throat. “I wouldn’t have guessed… the really good-looking, tall, intelligent former Marine turned Librarian likes to cuddle?”

Ben typed out another reply as she waited, finally looking down at her phone as it dinged.

_ <Ben> Let me make you lunch, and then I can show you how much I like it. Pick a movie? _

Rey smiled and nodded, looking up at Ben before speaking,. “So, is this technically our first date?”

Ben smiled and shook his head, typing out a reply to her.

_ <Ben> This is us getting to know each other by talking and cuddling. Our first date will be us at a romantic restaurant with candles and the whole shebang. You deserve nothing less. _

 

Rey didn’t know what she did to deserve someone like Ben being interested in someone like her – but she was thankful. He was sweet, kind, good-looking and everything she had imagined him to be when she was going to the library every day just to catch a glimpse of him.

She didn’t want to mess this up. She didn’t want Ben to eventually realize that she was a nobody, and leave her like everyone else had. He was far too perfect, and probably the best thing that had happened to her since she had been accepted into her preferred University after high school.

She realized Ben was waving a hand at her, his face concerned as he mouthed, “Are you okay?”

Rey nodded, swallowing around the lump in her throat as she tried to decide how best to answer Ben’s question. Finally, she looked into his eyes and nodded, biting her bottom lip. “I… I’m fine. Just thinking about how amazing you are, and how I probably don’t deserve you.”

Ben gestured towards the couch before typing out a message.

_ <Ben> Sit. I’ll throw together some sandwiches and chips and bring them in. We’ll talk more while we eat, okay? I want to know everything going on in that beautiful mind of yours. _

Rey nodded, once again swallowing hard as she went to the couch and sat, swiping at a stray tear that managed to escape her eye. This was where she lost him – when he found out how messed up her life really was, and how all she ever longed for was a place to fit in and belong.

And she wanted to belong – she wanted to belong to Ben Solo. Rey didn’t know why she had fallen so fast for him, but she had. She couldn’t deny it any longer, not after the feelings kissing him had stirred up within her.

She looked up as Ben entered the room, handing her a plate with a perfectly made sandwich and some chips stacked beside them, and she smiled thankfully to him as he sank onto the couch beside her. She didn’t have to be coaxed into eating, of course, and so they shared a few moments of simply concentrating on their food before she was finished.

After Ben had taken their plates and came back with drinks, Rey looked at him and said, “So… about me going to a galaxy far, far away mentally a little bit ago…”

Ben simply nodded at her, letting her know she had his full attention.

“I, um, I told you I went through the foster system?” Rey resisted the urge to wring her hands, instead settling for biting her bottom lip nervously. Ben simply nodded again, and Rey continued on, “I, I was left by my parents in a bassinet on the front stoop of an orphanage when I was a baby. Then I was shuffled around from home to home – and most of my so-called foster parents only wanted a paycheck, not a daughter. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I have huge abandonment issues, and I tend to cling to people who I feel close to. I… I just felt like you should know that, and if you want to walk now, before we even go out on a date, then please… tell me to leave and I will. I will walk out the door and never bother you again, Ben. I just… I don’t… I am terrified of letting you get close to me and then you leave.”

Ben reached out with one large, warm hand, lacing his fingers through hers and bringing her fingers to his lips, kissing them gently. It took him a while to type out his response to her – but even using one hand he typed faster than she ever could on her phone using both hands.

_ <Ben> I’m not going anywhere, Rey. Just because I like to take things slow doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. It doesn’t mean I am going to leave. I want to build a relationship with you – a strong one. One that will last a very, very long time. Because you’re special. You’re different, and the way you look at me, like I am the center of your world, well, it makes me want to give that to you, Rey. I want to give you the world. I really do. I understand though. I understand why you’re scared. I feel it too. The fear. _

Rey read the words twice before looking up at Ben. The next thing she knew, she was launching herself at him, and he had her folded into his arms, her face buried in his chest as she sobbed. He wanted her, he wanted her around for a long time. He wanted to give her something no one else ever had. Stability. Companionship. Love.

Ben Solo was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and she could do this. She could follow his boundaries, let him date her, let them build a relationship that they could both be satisfied with in fifty years, when they were old and gray and watching their grandchildren play in their yard.

Nothing else would do – not in Rey’s mind. Not now.

Not ever.

….

They spent the afternoon together after that watching movies and just talking even more than they had the night before. Ben told her about his family, and Rey told him about her life growing up a bit more. She left out all the sad parts, though, as she had cried more than enough for one day.

The whole time, she was enveloped in his arms – because Ben hadn’t lied. The man  _ loved _ cuddling. It was like he hadn’t had anyone simply touch him before, like he hadn’t ever just held someone. Rey wasn’t complaining, of course, Ben was warm and smelled good, and he held her so gently. It was bliss.

In fact, it was so blissful that she dozed off, waking to the feel of a soft kiss on the top of her head. Looking up, Rey saw Ben looking down at her, and she couldn’t help herself – her lips met his in a soft, gentle kiss. She didn’t kiss him as hungrily as earlier; instead, these kisses were ones filled with pure emotion and longing – and they simply took their time, letting their lips and tongues explore the other’s.

Much like being held by him – it was bliss.

Finally, Ben pulled away, glancing at his watch. It was six in the evening, and as Rey’s stomach growled loudly, she realized she had been asleep for an hour and a half. Reaching up to touch his face gently, Rey said, “I’m sorry for falling asleep, Ben.”

Ben smiled, mouthing to her, “I enjoyed watching you sleep.”

Rey felt her insides turn to jelly at his words, her eyes just watching those soft, full lips move. Pulling herself closer to him, Rey kissed him again, but this time it was her who pulled away.

“So, I have to be to work in an hour at the bar. I have to get going, I’m so sorry.”

Truthfully, Rey would rather stay with Ben inside the warm, happy little bubble they had created, but her bills never paid themselves, and she couldn’t let her co-worker down by not showing up for a shift she had agreed to pick up.

Pulling out his phone, Ben typed her a message.

_ <Ben> Stay put. I’ll order something in for us and then take you to work. I can even pick you up after your shift. I don’t like the thought of you walking home or taking the bus that late at night. It’s dangerous. _

Rey grinned up at him. “Fine. How about we just go grab something on our way to the bar? I’ll even let you chose – as long as it is not vegan anything.”

With a smile, Ben nodded.

….

As she kissed him goodbye before heading into the bar, Rey thought she could definitely get used to being with Ben all the time. She had never really relied on anyone but herself before. She had become self-sufficient and independent at an early age out of necessity, but Rey knew instinctively that Ben would never let her down. If he said he would do something – he would.

It was just one of the many details she loved about him.

There was that word again –  _ love _ . It was such a tiny word, comprised of four letters, but it held a meaning that was sacred to most of humanity. That tiny, four-letter word held the power to crush people, or to lift them to new heights that they never imagined reaching.

Did she love Ben Solo? She had been asking herself that for days now, always coming to the same conclusion – she thought she did. The thought that he just might love her back put an extra spring in her step as she strode into Plutt’s Bar for her shift, knowing that in seven short hours she would be able to see Ben again, even if it was only for a few minutes as he drove her home.

….

Ben had done his best to occupy himself while Rey was working – but in reality, all he had done was stare at the tv blankly while he thought about her. He was still processing the events of the night before in his brain, and how her touch had calmed him when he was having an anxiety attack.

He knew he was going to have to talk to her about his PTSD and how it affected him – and soon. He was falling for her fast, and while he was still set on his plan to date her, he knew he had strong feelings for her already. It was times like tonight, when his brain was warring with his heart, that he felt the weight of his depression close over him like a cloak, trying to smother him, causing him to see nothing but darkness.

 

But Rey was  _ light _ , she was fresh air and every happy thing he had ever experienced in his life.

He had come out of the Marines with a fresh purpose, with a new attitude and a new outlook on the anger issues that had caused him and his family nothing but trouble his entire life. The Marines had taken a scared, angry boy and made him into a man. They had taught him how to work as part of a team, how to put someone else’s life before his own, how to focus his anger on something other than inanimate objects. They had taught him that he was important, he was a part of something bigger.

But what he had seen in the desert of Iraq, and in the craggy hills of Afghanistan – that’s what had really made him a man. When Ben had come home, his anger was tempered for the most part, and he simply wanted to live his life in peace, doing something he enjoyed for the rest of his life. He’d never even thought about getting married – because who would want a big-eared book nerd like him anyways?

Rey wanted him, despite the fact he couldn’t hear, despite the fact that he was quite possibly a bigger nerd than anyone he had ever met – despite the fact that crowds and people left him exhausted and wanting to do nothing more than crawl into a hole.

And Ben wanted her – he didn’t care about her past, or about her issues with abandonment and relationships. He just wanted her.

When he pulled into the parking lot at Plutt’s Bar, Ben felt a sense of longing and happiness knowing he would see Rey in just a few minutes. As he watched her step outside, a smile came to his lips, disappearing as he noticed a man stumbling towards her.

The man stopped short of Rey, and Ben could tell he was speaking to her. As she shook her head at him, he watched as the man reached out, grabbing onto her arm and pulling at her.

And something inside him  _ snapped. _

_ How dare you touch her! She isn’t yours to touch – she’s mine! _

Before Ben could really rationalize anything, he was opening his car door and hopping out, running at a sprint towards the man. As he reached them, the man was still pulling at Rey, and Ben shoved him – hard – feeling a sick satisfaction as the man fell to the ground hard. His fists balling up, Ben was breathing heavy as he pulled his arm back, knowing that with his superior size and training, he could eliminate this enemy with one well-placed punch to his face.

And then Rey was in front of him, her hands on his face – and Ben stopped, his hands going to his sides as he panted, trying to reconcile the old rage that he thought had been buried away deep inside.

….

Rey knew Kenny was harmless as she stepped outside the bar, a small smile coming to her face as she noticed Ben’s car in the parking lot. As the overly drunk man approached her, Rey shook her head at his lurid advances, knowing that he wouldn’t remember a word he was saying in the morning.

As he reached out and tugged at her arm, trying to convince her that she needed to go home with him, Rey didn’t even notice Ben sprinting towards them until he was barreling into Kenny, the much smaller, drunk man hitting the pavement hard as Ben’s solid frame hit him at a full sprint.

“Ben!” Rey yelled, forgetting momentarily that he couldn’t hear her. “Ben, don’t go this way!” Rey said before coming to her senses a split second later, stepping in front of Ben to prevent him from punching the bar patron.

Knowing that Ben would react to her touch, Rey cupped his face gently, relief flooding her features as Ben looked at her, his fists dropping to his side as he panted from exertion. Looking at him, Rey said, “Ben, it’s okay. He’s drunk… he wasn’t going to hurt me, okay? Ben? I’m here, sweetheart… I’m okay.” Rey stroked his cheekbones softly with her thumbs, letting out a long breath as Ben finally nodded at her, his eyes looking a little less dangerous. Leaning in, Rey kissed him softly, giving him a small smile, even though she was a little scared at how angry he had gotten from something so seemingly benign.

Turning, Rey reached down, offering Kenny a hand and helping him to his feet. He burped and smiled toothily at Rey. “Yer boyfriend is a good one, Rey. He was gonna knock my lights out for touching you. Ya better keep him around...” Kenny then turned his attention to Ben. “Hey man, ya got yerself a pretty girl, okay? I just like flirting with her. We good?”

Ben read the drunk man’s lips and huffed, running a hand through his hair before nodding at Kenny and grabbing Rey’s hand, tugging her towards the car. He just wanted to get away from the drunk man, away from the bar, and on his way to taking Rey home.

Once they got to his car and Ben had Rey safely in the passenger’s seat, he took a moment as he went around to the driver’s side to stop, putting his hands on the trunk as he blew out a long breath. He hadn’t felt a rage like that in a long time – he must have scared the shit out of Rey.

This would be where she ended things with him – why would she want to be with someone who flew into a rage because a drunken idiot was flirting with his girlfriend – and she wasn’t even his girlfriend yet!

Huffing out a sigh again, Ben finally rounded the car, opening the door and sliding into the driver’s seat fluidly. Looking over at Rey, Ben mouthed, “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

Rey looked up as Ben slid into the driver’s seat, letting a smile come to her lips as he asked her if she was okay. He was the one who had practically punched someone to protect her – and he was worried about her? She nodded at him softly, her hand reaching out to touch his cheek tenderly before she leaned towards him, her lips meeting his lovingly. “I’m tired, but I’m okay. Can we talk about this tomorrow, Ben?”

Pulling out his phone, Ben typed a message to her, needing some kind of reassurance from her that they would discuss this, that she wouldn’t walk away and never speak to him again. His heart knew the truth, but his brain was trying to sabotage him.

_ <Ben> I’m sorry. I know you must be angry, and scared. I… I just lost it, I thought he was trying to hurt you. I couldn’t handle that, Rey, I couldn’t handle someone hurting you. I am too far gone over you. Please, please tell me you aren’t going to walk away and never speak to me again. I just need to know, because my brain is trying to convince me that I’m never going to talk to you again after I drop you off. _

Rey pulled out her phone to read Ben’s message, her eyes filling with tears over what his head was telling him. Sure, she had been momentarily scared when he had shown a hint of his temper and what it could be – but that was far from a deal breaker when it came to dating him. He was trying to  _ protect _ her, not knowing that Kenny was just a harmless drunk. No one had ever tried to protect her before.

Looking up at him with a tear-filled gaze, Rey shook her head at him before touching his face again, her hands trailing over his cheeks and lips before she finally spoke, making sure he could see her as she did so, “I’m not walking away. I understand what happened – you were trying to protect me! No one has ever done that for me before, Ben. It means so much to me… Ben… I, I think I might be falling in love with you.”

Ben smiled before he started the car and pulled out onto the almost silent streets of the city. He was happy at Rey’s revelation, but his head was still telling him that he’d wake up tomorrow morning to find she had changed her mind. He didn’t like losing control – once he hadn’t cared, when he was younger – but now he found he liked being in control, liked working through things without the red haze of anger hanging over him like a scarf.

Rey reached over, grabbing one of his hands and lacing her fingers through his, her thumb tracing tiny patterns over his as he maneuvered the car towards her house. Before long, he pulled up in front of it, putting the car in park as he looked over at her.

Rey smiled at him before leaning in and kissing him, her fingers pushing a lock of hair that had fallen onto his forehead back into place. “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? I promise.”

Ben nodded as he watched Rey get out of his car, trying to keep himself calm as she made her way into her house. When he knew she was safely inside, he pulled away, making his own way home.

Sleep didn’t come for either of them quickly. As a light rain started to fall across the city, Rey stood at her bedroom window, her thoughts swirling in her brain. Sure, Ben’s reaction to what had happened at the bar had shocked her – he’d never shown his temper before, although he had mentioned it to her. She had only seen the sweet, gentle side that was his normal attitude.

But he had thought someone was trying to hurt her – and he wasn’t about to let that happen. Rey simply couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that someone cared about her so much they would defend her, that they cared so much that they wanted to pick her up from work to keep her safe, that they waited until she was safely in her house before pulling away.

But Ben did all that – he cared. About her.

Rey knew Ben was probably sitting at his house, awake like she was, fretting about what had happened that night. Nodding at nothing in particular, Rey threw on a jacket and some comfortable shoes and set out walking the twenty minutes to Ben’s house.

She was so deep in her thoughts she didn’t even realize she had forgotten her umbrella until she was standing at Ben’s front door, one hand reaching up to press the button that would activate the buzzer he used to let him know someone was there.

 

When he answered the door, his eyes looked sad and tired, his hair a disheveled mess. Rey was certain he had probably been pacing across his living room, his hand running through his hair as he tried to convince himself he would see her again.

“Rey,” Ben mouthed to her, also signing his words without thinking about it. “What are you doing here? You’re soaked!” He stepped aside, letting her step inside before he held up a finger and disappeared down the hall, coming back with a towel in one hand, and one of his hoodies in another. After handing her both, Ben watched as Rey dried herself off a little, and as she pulled his hoodie over her head, he felt his heart clench at how damn good she looked wearing his clothes.

Finally, Rey looked at him, smiling. “Ben, what I said wasn’t true. I don’t think I’m falling in love with you – because I  _ am _ in love with you. I don’t have to think about it, it just is. I just had to come tell you, because I knew you were still up, worrying that you’d scared me away. But you haven’t. I want to be with you – and I know you might not feel the same – but I needed to tell you that I love you.”

When Ben smiled and said – his voice barely a whisper – “I love you, too,” Rey knew she had found what she had always been looking for – a home.


	5. This Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey go on their official first date. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, much thanks to my wonderful beta and moodboard artist: [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)! Please check out her writing, she is so talented!
> 
> Warning: I use a term that may be considered offensive in Ben's dream. It is a term used by US soldiers in Iraq/Afghanistan for insurgents/Iraq soldiers and may be considered offensive. Please skip over the dream sequence in italics if that would bother you.

[](https://imgur.com/IuUvKP7)

Ben wrapped his arms around Rey, settling them both onto his couch. He was bone-tired, and knew she was as well, but when he saw her standing at his door, soaked to the bone and admitting she loved him – Ben knew sleep wouldn’t find him anytime soon.

He could feel her sighing contentedly, her head on his chest as he turned on the television, and when she looked up at him with those hazel eyes of hers, Ben pondered just how long he had been in love with her. Surely it had to have happened the moment he saw her, standing at the front counter talking to Maz. All he knew now was that his world had shifted somehow, and Rey was the center of it.

He felt like he had loved her forever, even though they had only been talking a short time.

When her lips met his again, Ben sighed happily, his heart thrumming in his chest as they explored each other’s mouths for a long time before she pulled away, giving him a smile. “Sorry. We get carried away, don’t we?” Ben nodded, his fingers running through her silky hair softly as he pondered just how he had gotten so lucky in finding her.

Rey yawned, and Ben smiled at her, putting up one long finger to let her know he would be returning soon. As he padded barefoot to his linen closet to find a blanket, he hadn’t expected her to be asleep when he returned – but she was. Ben took a moment to watch her sleeping, thinking to himself that she resembled an angel on earth.

An angel who loved him, and whom he loved in return.

Leaning down, Ben scooped Rey up gently in his arms, carrying her to his guest bedroom, where he lay her carefully on the bed, pulling the covers up over her without waking her. After brushing a stray hair off her face, he leaned down, kissing her cheek softly before making his way across the hall to his own bedroom after making sure his front door was locked and the tv was off.

….

_ “Come on, Solo, hustle. We got haji’s coming up fast. We need to have your fucking team set up pronto! I am not going to die in this fucking dustbowl because you didn’t move your ass fast enough!” _

_ “Yes, Captain!” Ben shouted, waving the rest of his mortar team into place. _

_ A whistling sound pierced through the air, and he barely heard his Captain shout before the world exploded in light and sound… _

….

Ben sat straight up in bed, shaking and sweaty as a thunderstorm raged outside. Rey burst into his room, and as he turned his head at the sudden movement and change in air pressure, she was climbing onto the bed with him, her hands on his face and her eyes full of fear.

“Ben? Ben, are you okay?” Rey had woken at the sound of Ben’s tortured scream, and she hadn’t given a second thought before she was on her feet and going to him, wanting to soothe away whatever had him upset. The look in his eyes was scaring her, his eyes were wide with fright, and moving quickly around the room as if he was looking for some unseen threat that wasn’t there.

Rey waited, watching as Ben gulped in a couple breaths of air, running a hand through his hair. Finally, he leaned into her touch, closing his eyes for a moment.

When he opened his eyes again, Rey was still touching him, caressing his cheeks softly as she waited patiently for him to calm himself enough to talk to her. “Are you okay?” She asked softly, her thumbs ghosting over his cheeks again.

Ben half-turned to grab the notepad and pen he always kept by the bed. He wrote out a sentence quickly before showing it to Rey, hoping she could read it in the dim light of the room.  _ I’m fine. I have bad dreams sometimes. _

Rey nodded as she squinted to make out the words Ben had written. “Lay back down. I’m staying with you the rest of the night.” She didn’t know if her presence would help or not – but Rey wanted to be near him if another nightmare plagued him.

Ben just looked at her for a moment, not sure if he had read her lips right. She wanted to stay with him, even though they weren’t officially dating yet? Rey just watched him in turn, before she leaned in and kissed him softly, moving her hands from his face to push against his chest. “Lay down. I am staying with you, because, let’s face it – you need me right now.”

As Ben lay back against his pillow again, he knew she was right. His heart was still pounding in his chest, and if Rey hadn’t been there, Ben would probably be pacing around his house trying to calm himself, vomiting and shaky until his brain realized it was only a dream, and that he wasn’t in Iraq still.

As Rey climbed into his bed next to him, he pulled her close, letting out a sigh as her head settled onto his chest, her body nestled close to his. His lips placed a kiss to the top of her head, and as he closed his eyes once more, he couldn’t remember ever being more content.

….

Rey woke before him, not wanting to move for fear of breaking whatever spell she was currently under. Ben’s chest was solid under her head, his breathing steady and even, and his body was so strong and warm as she lie in his arms. He was perfect, and she loved him. She’d never fallen so hard or fast for anyone, but with Ben everything seemed natural.

They hadn’t even gone on a date yet, but Rey could see herself with him for the rest of her life. It should have scared her – the depth of her feelings for him – but she found it comforting instead of scary.

It was Kismet. Serendipity. Fate. Karma. It was every word she had never believed in before meeting Ben Solo.

Rey nuzzled Ben’s neck softly, stretching to do so. As her lips met his soft skin, Ben let out a soft moan, his long eyelashes fluttering as he tightened his arms around her. As his eyes opened, Rey smiled at him, and he returned the gesture, his eyes still half-lidded and heavy with sleep.

“Morning,” Rey said, once she knew he was watching her. Ben just nodded, and Rey pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss before she sat up, looking back at Ben. “I… I guess maybe I should go home and shower…”

Ben shook his head softly, reaching out with one hand to grab one of hers. “Don’t. Stay,” he mouthed the words as he blushed furiously, hoping she could understand them, and also that she didn’t think he was acting like a whiny, possessive idiot.

Rey blushed as she read his lips, his words rocking her to her core. He wanted her to stay with him. Ben wanted her.  _ Her, the girl from nowhere. _ With tears in her eyes, Rey nodded, leaning down to place a sweet kiss on his lips before she pulled away to say, “If you don’t mind me wearing my clothes from yesterday, I’m not going anywhere.”

Ben smiled, reaching over for his notepad and pen again, scribbling away before turning it so Rey could read his perfect, flowing script.  _ Good, because I want you here today. We can throw your clothes in the wash, if you want. I have a robe you could wear, I’m sure. I can make us breakfast while you take a shower? _

Rey grinned at Ben before nodding. “Got a spare shirt? I mean, you can probably fit two of me in one of your shirts, you beast of a man!” Ben grinned in return before scratching out a reply on his notepad.  _ Second drawer in the dresser or anything in the closet. _

As Rey rummaged through his drawer before pulling out a simple black tee shirt, Ben got out of bed, coming up behind her and planting a kiss to the top of her head before going past her to the bathroom, then the kitchen. This left Rey to ponder if she should steal a pair of boxers or gym shorts as well, simply so she wouldn’t be completely naked under his shirt while her clothes were being laundered. In the end, she chose the smallest pair of gym shorts she could find, realizing she was going to have to tie them in a knot somehow to keep them on – because Ben was  _ huge _ compared to her.

As she emerged from the shower twenty minutes later, the smell of pancakes and bacon cooking pulled a rumble from her stomach, and Rey giggled as she made her way to the kitchen. Moving carefully around the center island in a way that would get Ben’s attention, she smiled at him almost shyly as he noticed her, his own smile matching hers. “Thank you,” Rey said softly, Ben’s brow furrowing for a moment in confusion before he mouthed his reply to her.

Ben gulped as he took in the sight of Rey, with wet hair and wearing nothing more than his tee shirt and, apparently, a pair of gym shorts she had found in his drawers. She looked  _ delectable _ . Finally, he found the brain power to mouth, “For what?”

Rey shrugged, the smile staying on her face. Finally, she said, “For existing. For wanting to spend time with me.”

Ben held up a finger before grabbing his phone off the counter and typing out a text to her in response. Luckily, the text alert helped her find her phone where she had left it the night before on the end table, and her heart swelled as she read Ben’s response.

_ <Ben> Don’t thank me for wanting to spend time with the most magnificent person I have ever met. I should be the one to thank you – for wanting to spend time with me. You seem to know just what I need even before I know. So, thank you, Rey. _

Tears welled in her eyes as she looked up at Ben, standing in front of his stove, spatula in one hand, phone in the other, cooking her breakfast. She didn’t think twice before crossing the space between them, wrapping her arms around him from behind. She had never felt more cared for.

Ben smiled as he turned in her arms, planting a kiss to her head before turning back towards the stove, setting the spatula down for a moment so he could type out another message to her.

_ <Ben> So… will you spend the day with me and then go out to dinner with me tonight? _

There was nothing in the world Rey wanted more, and as she looked up at Ben, she simply nodded her head.

….

Spending time with Ben was just so  _ easy _ , Rey thought to herself later that evening, as she stood in front of her full-length mirror, inspecting the dress she had chosen for their date. She wanted to look perfect for him, for their very first date of which, Rey knew, would be many. Still, it was their first, and she wanted to look her best for him.

After garnering Rose’s approval on what she was wearing, as well as her makeup and hair, Rey paced across her living room, her heart beating like a bass drum in her chest as she waited – thinking the worst, of course –  _ What if he changes his mind? What if he decides I’m not enough, that he doesn’t want to be with me? What if he decides we’re moving too fast, that he doesn’t love me after all? _

The soft knock at the door assuaged all her doubts, and as Rey opened the door to find Ben standing there, dressed in a suit and tie and looking positively delicious, the bass drum in her heart thudded louder, coupled with a fluttering in her stomach. “Hi,” Rey said almost shyly, biting her bottom lip as she looked Ben over again.

“Hi,” he mouthed back before handing her a single, pristine red rose.

Rey blushed, breathily muttering, “Oh, Ben, it’s beautiful!”

Pulling out his phone, Ben typed out a reply, her phone chiming in her purse. She dug it out and read his message, tears pricking in her eyes again.

_ <Ben> Not half as beautiful as you. You’re stunning, Rey. _

Rey had never read such sweet words in her life, and she stood stock-still, smiling at Ben for a moment before realizing she should probably get the flower in water. “Oh, let me go get this in some water, then we can leave?” Rey looked at Ben as she spoke, waiting until he nodded at her before she turned, luckily locating the only vase she owned in the back of a kitchen cabinet after only a few minutes of looking.

Returning to Ben, Rey smiled as he offered her his arm, mouthing “Shall we?” to her. Taking his arm, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face as he walked with her to his car. Ever the gentleman, of course, Ben opened the door for her, waiting for her to get in before closing the door and going around the car to slide into the driver’s seat. Reaching over as soon as he had the car on the street, Ben’s hand closed around hers, his thumb caressing hers softly.

Rey simply watched him as he drove, thinking about how lucky she was.

The restaurant was small and intimate, and surprisingly not busy for a Sunday night. As the maître d’ showed them to their table, Rey felt like she was in an alternate dimension, living another person’s life. There was no way she deserved this, to be on a date with a handsome, kind and sweet man who was seemingly in love with her?

It had to be a dream, or a delusion she was going to wake up from – because she didn’t deserve any of it. Not Ben, or the way he held her and looked at her like she was the sun, and he was a planet being bathed in her light.

As they were seated, Ben looked at her across the candlelit table, smiling at her in a way that made her knees go weak and her heart start to thud even louder in her chest. Pulling his phone out, he typed out a text.

_ <Ben> Stop overthinking this. I see that look on your face. _

_ He knows me so well already,  _ Rey thought, blushing as she looked up from reading the message to find him looking at her – nothing but adoration in his bourbon colored eyes.

“Guilty as charged,” Rey said lightly, her hand reaching across the table and a smile crossing her lips as she found his hand waiting for hers. “I just…I feel like I am dreaming and I will wake up tomorrow that scared kid in London again, with no one and nothing.”

Ben squeezed her hand, his eyes sad as he looked down at his phone to type with one hand.

_ <Ben> If this is a dream, I hope I never wake up. Rey, you might think you are nothing… but to  _ me _? You’re  _ everything _! _

Rey felt a blush come to her face once more, her eyes meeting his again once she had read his message. A waiter approached, and as Ben watched the young man carefully, he nodded before looking at Rey and raising a brow.

“Give us a few moments to look over the menu, please,” she asked quietly, giving the man a smile. Once he was gone, she took a moment to peruse the menu before looking up again at Ben. He glanced pointedly down at the menu, and she smiled, giving him her order to give the waiter.

“Ever the gentleman,” Rey remarked with a smile, delighting in the blush that came to his face from her words. He nodded, typing something into his phone and sending it to her as the waiter came back. Ben held up his phone so the man could see it, and the waiter looked confused for a moment before scribbling down their order on his pad.

Rey looked down at his text message.

_ <Ben> My mother raised me right, I guess. I was going to wait to ask you this, Rey, but I am impatient… _

Rey’s brow wrinkled in confusion as she looked up at Ben, who squeezed her hand gently as he said, in a voice she had to strain to hear, “Would you be my girlfriend, Rey?”

He looked nervous and terrified as his eyes searched hers, and she squeezed his hand as she nodded before replying, “Ben, I have never wanted anything more in my life. Yes, I will.”

The smile on his face was almost dizzying, and she wanted to leap into his arms and kiss him until they were both breathless. Of course, they were in public, and her stomach was reminding her she hadn’t eaten in a while, so the breathless kissing would definitely have to wait until later.

Rey’s face turned serious for a moment as she asked Ben, “How come you don’t talk more? I mean, actually talk? You have a gorgeous voice, Ben. I love hearing you say my name.”

It was Ben’s turn to worry his bottom lip now, and he finally typed out a response to her. As her phone chimed, he squeezed her hand again softly.

_ <Ben> I can’t hear myself talk. I don’t know if I am talking in a whisper or a yell. I only talk when I have to… when it’s  _ important.  _ Does that bother you? _

Rey looked up at Ben after reading his response, already shaking her head. It didn’t bother her at all. She accepted Ben exactly as he was, and she wouldn’t change a thing about him. With a smile, she said, “Not at all. Guess that means I will just have to learn sign language. That would make it easier for us, wouldn’t it?”

Ben just gaped at Rey for a moment, and as the waiter brought their food to them, he typed out another text.

_ <Ben> You want to do that for me? _

As Rey started eating, finally relinquishing Ben’s hands so they could eat, she nodded. “I do. There’s not much I wouldn’t do for you, Ben.”

As they ate, they talked about everything, Ben typing out quick responses to hers, and they laughed and held hands through most of their meal, enjoying the feeling of being a couple officially. They stayed until the restaurant closed, and as Ben drove her home, Rey couldn’t remember ever being happier.

This time when Ben kissed her goodnight, it was as her boyfriend. Not her crush, not her boss, not someone she was simply attracted to – her boyfriend.

As she got to her door, she turned around to look back at Ben, and he was smiling at her, waiting for her to get inside safely before he went home.

Rey was so far gone for him, and she should be concerned by the intensity of her feelings.

She was his. He was hers. And everything felt right.

Kismet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments and kudos, and mash that subscribe button if you like what you see! <3
> 
> Come visit me on tumblr:[my-jedi-life](https://my-jedi-life.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And on the twitter: [MyJediLife](https://twitter.com/MyJediLife)


	6. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Rose have a plan - but a wrench might be thrown in it because of..... _feelings_...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to my wonderful beta and moodboard Goddess - [Azuwrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite)! Go show her some love!
> 
> To my girls in House Swolo, I love you all. <3

[](https://imgur.com/TF6kfm0)

Life, while it remained much the same – was so much  _ different _ for Rey now. She went to her classes, did her homework and went to work much like she always had. The only difference was that she was in love, and she spent every moment of her free time with Ben.

They ate dinner together every night, watched tv curled up together on his couch, went out on dates like a normal couple, and got to know each other more and more as the weeks passed. She now knew his favorite color was blue, and his favorite movie was “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.” He actually had all the lines memorized, and a framed movie poster for it was on the wall above his tv. Ben hated his ears, and always kept his hair long enough to cover them. Even before his accident, this had been the case, and when she had seen a picture of him with short hair when he was in the Marines, she had to resist giggling. He looked gorgeous, but she had to admit – she liked his hair covering his ears better as well.

Ben knew more about Rey than perhaps anyone else ever had. He knew all about her childhood, her deep fear of being alone and never belonging anywhere. He knew everything she had endured on the streets of London, and he knew she was the fiercest, strongest person he had ever met. His girl was the best thing that has ever happened to him, and Ben knew he wouldn’t ever love anyone the way he loved Rey.

Rey had told him it felt like kismet, and Ben couldn’t agree more. They were meant to be.

….

A month later, and they had officially moved into the ‘Why don’t you bring things over here for when you stay over, and here’s a drawer for your clothes’ phase. Rey loved the feeling of sleeping next to Ben every night, but she hadn’t realized that when he said he wanted to take things slow – he meant it.

She had needs, and while kissing her very sexy boyfriend to the point of breathlessness was nice – Rey needed more. She was getting frustrated, and waking up every morning to the feeling of Ben’s length pressed into her back led her to believe that he might want more, as well.

Rey had needs, and she needed to formulate a plan for having her needs met. It was time to show her sweet, perfect boyfriend just how much she could rock his world, if only he would let her. Rose was all too willing to help, dubbing the plan “Operation: Get Rey Dicked Down”.

Between her morning classes and her afternoon shift at the library, Rey met Rose at the mall. Her best friend insisted that, with some good lingerie, Ben wouldn’t be able to resist her – and Rey thought she might agree with her. However; as Rose had her trying on her different options, Rey tried her best not to spend the time in a perpetual state of embarrassment.

Finally, she found something she thought Ben would appreciate, a light green, lacy see-through top, with a single button that allowed the lace to flow down to her thighs, showing off her breasts perfectly underneath, coupled with a pair of almost see-through green lace panties. The combination would have Ben’s pulse skyrocketing, and if he didn’t thoroughly ravish her – well, Rey would have to be a little more aggressive after that.

Using her mouth on his cock would be her ‘Plan B’… because no man on Earth could resist that particular power.

As she walked into the library for her afternoon shift, she and Ben shared a smile as she put her bag down, and before she walked to the cart to start putting returns back, she mouthed ‘I love you’ to him through the glass window of his office, smiling when he mouthed it back to her. Everyone who worked there knew about them, of course, and Maz had practically demanded an invitation to any future wedding they might have.

As Rey wheeled the cart through the quiet aisles of the library, letting the smell and the heaviness of so many books settle over her like a soft blanket, she let a smile come to her lips as she thought about Ben, and the way she hoped the night would go once she went to his house.

Rey let her mind drift as she shelved books and answered the occasional question, and as she looked up from the bank of computers, where she had been showing an elderly woman how to check her email for the third time that week, she saw a woman beckon to Ben through his office window, a wide smile on her face. Ben smiled back, exiting his office and approaching the woman, who started signing to him rapidly. Ben was signing back just as rapidly, and Rey, with her limited understanding of the language, was helpless to know what they were talking about.

Ben appeared to enjoy the conversation, a huge smile on his face as they were communicating, and eventually the pair moved off towards the children’s area, leaving Rey to deal with her muddled feelings. She felt like a horrible girlfriend, because she hadn’t learned sign language yet. She wanted to – but with a full course load at college, plus working two jobs – she simply couldn’t find the time.

Rey wanted to be able to talk to Ben like that woman had. She wanted to make him smile and laugh like she had. She knew Ben loved her, she didn’t doubt that for a second – but did he ever wish she knew sign language so they could communicate better? She had told Ben she wanted to learn the night he had asked her to be his girlfriend, and she still hadn’t really started to learn, besides the signs for ‘thank you’, ‘I love you’, and knowing how to finger spell the alphabet.

Ben deserved better. He deserved a girlfriend who could really communicate with him more than through written communication and lip reading.

Ben made his way back to the counter, still chatting with the woman. He glanced over at Rey, who quickly looked down at her feet. She didn’t want Ben to know that she was bothered by him talking with the woman, and so she turned, going down a different aisle where she couldn’t see the counter.

She spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding her boyfriend, throwing herself into her work to keep her hands occupied while her mind tried to come to terms with how she was feeling. When she left, she grabbed her bag and went to the door of Ben’s office, signing ‘I love you’ to him, along with a wave goodbye. She was trying her best not to make him worry, because with his anxiety and PTSD, him worrying about her being troubled by something was the last thing he needed.

As he gave her a smile and signed ‘I love you too’ back to her, Rey thought she had done a pretty good job, even though his beautiful eyes seemed a little sad as he looked at her before she turned and walked out the door.

Ben knew something was wrong with Rey the moment she had looked up to see him talking with Katie – a long-term patron of the library. Katie’s four-year-old daughter, Ainsley, was also deaf, and that was the reason Katie came to his branch. Not only could Ben communicate with Ainsley, but Katie could also talk to him easily.

He could see where he may have messed up. He knew Rey had issues with being abandoned, and with people walking out of her life – but he hoped she knew how he felt. Rey was his everything, and if he had done something to upset her, he knew he wouldn’t be very forgiving of himself.

He picked up his phone finally, knowing he needed to talk to her somehow.

_ <Ben>Will I see you tonight, sunshine? _

__

Her reply came a few moments later.

_ <Rey> Not sure. Have some school work I need to get done. _

__

_ <Ben> Bring it over, baby. I know how important school is to you. _

__

_ <Rey> I don’t know. I’ll see. _

__

_ <Ben> Did I do something wrong, Rey? I… I’m sorry if I did… _

__

_ <Rey>No, you didn’t. I just need to have a little time to myself, Ben. _

__

_ <Ben> Okay. I love you. _

__

_ <Rey> Love you too. _

__

Even with her reassurance, Ben couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He did his best to get through the rest of his day without panicking, but when he got home and made dinner for himself, he realized how lonely the house was without Rey there. He had grown so accustomed to having her there every night for dinner and beyond, unless she had to work a shift at the bar. Even then, Ben would pick her up after she was done, and they would always sleep curled up around the other.

He tried to read, but he found he couldn’t get past the feeling that something was wrong with his girlfriend. He was unsettled – and Ben had never liked feeling that way. He paced the length of his living room, pondering texting Rey – but he didn’t want to seem like a smothering boyfriend.

Rey paced the length of her small bedroom, thinking about everything she was feeling inside. She felt guilty and sad – like she was the world’s worst girlfriend, and like Ben deserved someone much, much better than her. He deserved someone who could talk to him and understand him completely, and someone who could communicate to him in the best way possible.

She had thought they were doing it all okay, and then she had seen Ben talking with the woman today, and now she had to rethink everything. She knew Ben loved her – there wasn’t a doubt in her brain about that. Nor was she worried that Ben would ever stray. Ben was loyal, kind, handsome – and the best boyfriend any woman could ever ask for. Rey couldn’t imagine herself with anyone else. Ben put her at ease, and made her feel safe and cared for.

Ben was her  _ home _ .

Rey wanted to give back to him what he gave to her. Ben deserved her best, and part of that was her being able to understand him completely, and to be able to communicate with him effectively. To do that, she had to learn sign language.

She felt guilty, and like she had let him down, somehow.

With a heavy sigh, Rey grabbed the lingerie she had bought that afternoon with Rose. She needed to talk to Ben, to let him know she was sorry, and that she would be a better woman for him.

….

It was nine at night when Rey got to Ben’s, and as she pressed the button that would alert him to the fact that someone was at his front door, she found she was nervous, for some reason. It wasn’t easy to admit one’s faults, but Rey knew Ben well enough to know he was probably worried that something was wrong with her. She had been nothing but open and honest with him since they had met, and her shutting him out was not something she usually did.

The door opened, and Ben gave her a tentative smile, mouthing ‘Hi’ to her before sliding to one side to let her in. He looked like he was upset, if his mussed hair was any indication. As soon as the door closed behind her, Rey practically jumped into his arms, sighing contentedly as she felt them wrap around her tightly, his lips placing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

After a moment, Rey pulled away from his arms, standing on tiptoes to place a kiss to his lips before taking his hand and leading him into the living room. Once they were settled on the couch, Rey kissed Ben again before threading the fingers of one hand through his and squeezing them lightly.

“You’ve been worried. I can tell you’ve been running your hand through your hair, and I’m betting you were pacing across the living room. I’m sorry for worrying you,” Rey said, watching his reaction.

Ben smiled softly before nodding, mouthing ‘Guilty as charged’ to her, his thumb skimming over her wrist softly. His eyes were shining with love for her – but she could also see worry within their chocolate depths.

“I… I’m sorry, Ben. I saw you talking with that patron today, and I felt… not jealous, but guilty and like I was a disappointment to you. Here’s this woman, talking with you in a way I can’t yet, and you looked so happy talking with her. You weren’t bending down over your phone to type, or writing something on your notepad – she could look into your eyes and just  _ talk _ with you in a way I can’t. I want to learn sign language so I can talk to you like that, but I haven’t yet. I don’t have an excuse – not a good one anyways. I just feel like I may be disappointing you, and I don’t want that. I want to be a better person for you, because I love you so much.”

Ben gave her a smile, pulling his phone out so he could type a message to her.

_ <Ben> I was worried I had done something wrong. Katie comes into the library because her little girl, Ainsley, is deaf. I can talk with both of them easily. I knew when I saw the look on your face that something was wrong, and I assumed that maybe you thought she was flirting with me or something. Rey, you don’t disappoint me at all, sweetheart. You work 2 jobs, have a full course load at college, have a 4.0 GPA... I never expected you to learn ASL overnight. I’m the luckiest man on earth, to have someone like you. I love you. Thank you for letting me know how you were feeling. I can help you learn, if you like. _

__

“You would? You… you’re not disappointed in me or think I’m a bad girlfriend? Because I love you so much, I just want to be my best for you, Ben.” Rey looked up after reading his message, a small smile on her lips and tears brimming in her eyes. He really was the perfect man for her to be with, with all her quirks and insecurities.

_ <Ben> Yes, I would. And, Rey, you’re the best girlfriend I could ask for. Beautiful, smart, loyal, hardworking… and you get me. You don’t care that I’m deaf, and you always think about me and my feelings first. I love you, sunshine. So very much. _

__

Rey simply stared at Ben for a moment before straddling him, his large arms wrapping around her as she kissed him until they were both breathless. Giving him a smile, Rey stood, extending a hand to him before tilting her head towards the bedroom. “Come on, big guy. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Once in the bedroom, Rey motioned for Ben to settle himself on the bed before she headed to the bathroom, changing into the lingerie she had bought earlier. After taking her hair out of the ponytail it lived in normally, and giving it a quick brush out, Rey surveyed herself in the mirror for a moment before turning and heading back into the bedroom.

Ben was curious when Rey scurried off into the bathroom, but as she made her way back into the bedroom, the sheer lace of the babydoll top showing her perky, perfect breasts underneath, Ben’s breath caught in his throat and his jaw dropped open. His eyes raked down her body, to the scrap of green lace covering her core before moving back up to her face.

‘Beautiful,’ Ben mouthed to Rey as she approached him, the smile on her face telling him how much she appreciated his approval. As she stood in front of him, his eyes drinking her in once more, his mouth watering to taste her and his cock hard and ready in his pants, Ben knew he would never find another woman who turned him on like Rey did.

He planned on showing her how much she turned him on, finally – all night long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit me on tumblr: [my-jedi-life](https://my-jedi-life.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And on the twitter: [MyJediLife](https://twitter.com/MyJediLife)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated if you like this little tale!


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